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Herman 3: Brian 0

Herman returned last night. Just after I talked to Dad and reassured him that Herman was probably gone for good, I heard that tell-tale skittering sound of his nails on the wood floor. I walked into the hallway in time to see him lope around the dryer and into the bathroom. He gave a quick glance, turned around and loped back behind the dryer, giving me a sidelong glance and I swear a quick wink before he disappeared.

I retreated to gather my camera and a beer while listening to his continued activity. I walked into the bedroom and knew he was there. Ahh! His fatal mistake. I quickly closed the bedroom door and stuffed a blanket under the door. We were both locked in the room. Welcome to Thunderdome.

Gathering my beverage-hoard, I waded into the gladiatorial arena prepared to engage in mortal combat. I announced to my weasel-foe that only one of us would emerge from this battle-ground alive.

When I cornered him, he gave a hiss and released his strong musky scent. Ermines are in the same family as ferrets and – in some taxonomies – skunks, and they do that same defensive spray thing. I wouldn’t call it a bad smell, but it was a very strong, acrid, musky smell.

I had it cornered a couple of times in a couple of different corners as I tried to think of a way to catch it. When I finally had a good idea and bolstered resolve, he finally retreated into the built-in heater that runs the length of the wall. I waited for about an hour for him to come out. At one point he came down, walked a few feet toward me, saw me, and then retreated back to the heater. After another twenty minutes, I began to think that he could stay there indefinitely. It was time to start tearing some stuff up. I noticed there were screws holding the shroud on the heater, and went to get a screw driver, but the screws had been painted over so many times over the years that I couldn’t turn them. I went for the cordless drill, but still couldn’t budge the screws. I started to drill the screws out, but the battery on the cordless drill petered out.

It had been over three hours, and this little varmit was taking up my whole evening. It was getting late, I was out of beer, and I had to pee. Knowing that I could never get him out of that heater, my only choice was to retreat. I set a trap, opened the door, and went and sulked on the couch in the living room. Sure enough in less than five minutes, I could hear him skitter out of the room, around the trap, and down his little dryer hole. Once again, I’ve been bested by a critter with a brain the size of a peanut.

 herman.jpg

 And don't be fooled by this picture. He is a monster. A monster I tell you. "A dragon, a dragon, I swear I saw a dragon. Green and seething, fire-breathing, monsterous in height."

Speaking of picture, Stephanie sent this picture of Jacob to me last night. Check it out. 

Posted on Friday, January 12, 2007 at 09:23AM by Registered CommenterBrian Rozell | Comments2 Comments

Reader Comments (2)

I took the picture of Jakey! He was saying Feesh, Feesh while watching the screensaver.
January 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBrian
We want him!!! Alive! Please buy a have-a-heart
trap and send him to Texas.
Victoria,Ashley,Collin,Katie
January 18, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterThe Mizell Children

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